 Alex is editor of the In Your Pocket guides in Poland and has written for The Guardian, The Times and The Observer.
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AbraKebabra Friday 27th August, 2010
"early tests have found traces of human DNA in the meat..."
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If you’re anything like me you’ll use a newspaper for the football bits then the rest for origami. If that’s the case you may have missed out on a right red flag story – assuming you did then allow me to refresh: basically last week cops busted a filthy meat factory illegally operating deep in the depths of Warsaw Central.
The meat was allegedly destined for kebab stands round the city, and also responsible for the vile aroma wafting in the passageways nearby – yip, that was the result of animal fat congealing with human waste.
Since then the authorities have done their best to put a whitewash on what’s a rather yucky story; latest guff coming from the men in black claim it was a mom and pop op capable of only supplying a couple of stores. The public ain’t buying it, and one internet rumour has even suggested that early tests have found traces of human DNA in the meat.
It’s a sordid affair, and one reminiscent of a similar story a few years back; that time the Gendarmes raided a warehouse full of cats and dogs, their skinned carcasses strung up and ready for deployment to the Vietnamese snack shacks that were once so prolific.
If I’ve put you off your dinner then I apologize, but I do have a point; fast food in Warsaw is generally repulsive, and there’s more to that than just meat of unverified origin. Gherkins, carrots, cabbage, they’re all fair game, and they’re all liable to end up in your kebab out here. More so they’ll undoubtedly be doused in some flammable toxin parading as sauce.
That I’ve been floored about twenty times by rogue kebabs is a worrying indicator of my own stupidity – I know Warsaw kebabs are a health hazard, and yet I still return for more. Idiot. There is, however, an exception to the rule, and that’s a place called Efes.
Now these guys are a bit of legend, and that’s for rather good reason: proper lamb, fresh pitta and no maverick fillings; it really is as good as anything in Berlin. The trouble is it’s out in Saska Kepa, and it feels wrong to head to such a suburb of affluence to eat a kebab. But there is good news, and that’s their recent expansion.
In the last month Team Efes have added a new place to their report, and that’s on Jana Pawla opposite all those peep shows. As the certificates attest, this is the real deal, and unlike the Saska Kepa version stays open till late(ish). I’ve eaten there sober to no ill effect, and am hereby delighted to award it the Webber Order of Merit – Arise Sir Efes.
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